The Ever-Renewing People

Jewish life in America is actually flourishing, thanks in part to the energy of children of intermarriage.

By Chip Edelsberg and Jason Edelstein for Mosaic Magazine

Jack Wertheimer and Steven M. Cohen’s “The Pew Survey Reanalyzed,” an examination of data omitted from the Pew Research Center’s 2013 “Portrait of Jewish Americans,” is a welcome addition

to the body of commentary on what that study says—and does not say—about American Jewish life today. Their essay, however, even as it raises a number of valid points of interest and concern, is puzzling. To us, Wertheimer and Cohen seem stuck—too heavily reliant on anachronistic frameworks of analysis and on sources of scholarship that are neither apt nor helpful. Conspicuous among the latter is the late Milton Himmelfarb’s quip chiding Jewish grandparents of children born to interfaith couples that these new family members should be understood as “Christian.” In addition, the two authors posit assumptions and postulate fables that are likely exaggerated or erroneous.

Perhaps most striking in Wertheimer and Cohen’s essay is the absence of relevant statistics, especially in areas where they themselves see hope for potential growth in rates of Jewish engagement. Thus, they recommend communal and philanthropic investment in Jewish overnight camping, but fail to mention that over the last eight years, the number of young Jews enjoying the benefits of residential Jewish camps has already increased from 48,000 to 75,000—many of them, not incidentally, those whom the authors would label “Christian” grandchildren. The Foundation for Jewish Camp anticipates further growth, to as many as 93,000 campers, in the next six to seven years. Similarly, while urging investment in youth groups, the authors neglect to cite the already burgeoning numbers of Jewish teens engaged in Jewish life and learning through such programs as the B’nai B’rith Youth Organization (BBYO), Moving Traditions, Jewish Student Connection, and Teen Philanthropy.

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Share Our Holiday Lights

This article has been reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily 


By Dan Brosgol

I don’t know anyone who was born with a sharing gene.

In fact, it’s the opposite. It seems to me that we’re all born selfish, but over time we get the idea that sharing is better and we should play nicely in the sandbox. Think about it: When was the last time you heard a toddler being scolded for sharing too much? If you’re like me, you spend a lot of time reminding the little (and big) ones that they should be sharing MORE, not less.

The tension of sharing versus not sharing in the Jewish tradition goes waaaay back to the days of the Torah and of the Talmudic stories about the ancient biblical text. In one of my favorite legends, the Talmud tells a tale about the creation of the sun and the moon. According to the legend, the sun and moon were created equal in size, to which the moon cried out “Can two kings share the same crown?” God’s response was to make the moon smaller as a punishment for the moon’s selfishness. Later, God changes his mind and tries to make it up to the moon by making the (smaller) moon visible in the day and nighttime, and by having the stars appear alongside the moon at night.

In this season of lights, these two anecdotes of sharing and of light illuminate a lesson that we all might benefit from learning.

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Hanukkah Booklet

This article has been reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily 

Hanukkah is one of the most home-based and family-centered of the Jewish holidays.

A child’s delight, it can be full of gift-giving, games, parties, and good food. Based on an historical event in post-biblical times, it is a minor holiday whose impact exceeds its status because of the need to party in the midst of the coldest and darkest season of the year.

But what is the holiday all about? This booklet explains the history of Hanukkah, the symbolism and significance of lighting candles for eight nights, the blessings that accompany the lighting of the candles, the holiday's foods, the game of dreidels, and more!

A guide through the why and how of the winter festival of Hanukkah, this booklet can also be used:

• as the foundation for a class on Hanukkah for family education;
• as a handout for new synagogue or community members;
• to help interfaith families — and all families — who need a refresher on Hanukkah's signficance;
• as a handout for religious schools, community gatherings and events during the winter season.
  
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STYLING - A TALE OF TWO FAITHS

From TheMarionHouseBook.com

A couple of months ago I had the privilege to work on this story for Today's Parent about how multi-faith families celebrate the holidays at this time of year. With Hanukkah right around the corner I thought it would be a good time to share it!

Nothing says Christmas and Hanukkah like a snowflake wreath with dreidels! This amazing craft and the others throughout the piece are by a woman named Steph Hung who worked at Martha Stewart Living in the Craft Department. I peppered her with questions about what it was like to work there, if she ever met Martha, and what Martha's expectations were for each shoot. It was fascinating! If you'd like to learn how to make this wreath you can check out the DIY over at Today's Parent.


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Non-Jews Play Growing Role in American Synagogues, Researcher Says

By Judy Maltz reprinted in The Jewish Daily Forward

(Haaretz) — Non-Jews have come to assume prominent roles in Conservative and Reform synagogues around America, in some cases accounting for a relatively large share of congregation membership, according to a prominent Israeli-born scholar who has been studying the changing face of American synagogues in recent years.

“Sometimes as many as half the people in a synagogue are either non-Jews or married to non-Jews, or have a close non-Jewish relative, said Yaakov Ariel, a professor of religious studies from the University of North Carolina at a recent two-day conference in Jerusalem on the growing appeal of Judaism worldwide.

Ariel, who has been focusing his fieldwork on synagogues in the southern United States, said the increased presence of non-Jews in these congregations had in many ways changed the discourse inside.

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Yes, My Mother's Anti-Semitic — But She's Still Mom

From the Seesaw at The Jewish Daily Forward

My Mother is Anti-Semitic and My Jewish Husband Wants Her Out of My Life

I am a non-Jewish woman who has been married to a Jewish man for 39 years. We have had no problem supporting one another faith-wise — I have gone to temple and he has come to church — but we do have ongoing issues with our parents. My parents are German. My father, who died ten years ago, was raised here and my mother was raised in Nazi Germany.

Growing up she would tell me about how Jews were the cause of all Germany’s troubles, as well as how Jews are cheap, cheaters, liars, and more. Also, she claims that people in her town had no idea what was going on during World War II, something that drives my history buff husband crazy and he says isn’t really possible. I told my husband he no longer had to speak to my mother and in the past nine years they have had no contact.

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Explaining My Jewish Family to My Christian Parents

By Yael Armstrong for Raising Kvell

When I was in middle school, I was lying on the couch one day reading a book when my dad walked through the living room. He asked if I’d done my study guide for a test I had the next day. I told him, “No,” as I continued reading and he asked if that was a smart idea. I said, half paying attention, that I would be fine. I failed the test.

When he asked about it later and I begrudgingly told him that the teacher surely had it out for me, he said, almost to himself, “I wonder if you’d have failed if you studied.”

That was how my parents parented. They let us go too far, offered us help back, and when we refused, were always there to subtly drive the lesson home.

My parents, my sister, and most of my family are Christian in the same way that my husband’s family is Jewish. They are committed, it is a part of their everyday life; in short, they’re Orthodox.

When I converted they didn’t say a word. The first few years of my being Jewish were a weird time in my life and in the life of my family. I was trying to find my footing in a new faith and I think my family was waiting for my Jewish phase to end. I didn’t tell my parents I was dating, knowing that they wouldn’t understand the world that I was now living in (a very Orthodox one at the time) and so, I brought my fiancé home to meet my parents a week before we were going to be married.

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Our Partner has a Partner

This article has been reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily 

 Our partner, InterfaithFamily.com, is now partnered with G-dcast.com to bring you wonderful animated videos on lifecycle events.

You may already be familiar with G-dcast as we've featured some of their videos on our Jvillage channels. 

Check out this one on 'Traditions of a Jewish Baby Naming' and visit our friends at InterfaithFamily.com for more great articles on InterfaithFamily Shabbat, grand-parenting, interfaith weddings, and interfaith celebrity news.

As a Mormon, How Can I Comfort My Jewish Mother-in-Law?

By Amanda Hamilton Roos for Raising Kvell

My family always asks me what Jews believe about the afterlife. My family is Mormon but my husband’s family is Jewish—they belong to a Reform synagogue—and my father-in-law is slowly dying. So whenever my family members ask me how my mother-in-law is doing and I give them the update—that she’s coping but still sad—they always shake their heads and say, “How does she do it without a belief in the afterlife?”

This is incredible to them. Mormons spend a lot of time thinking about the afterlife. For example, even though my uncle died tragically, before I was born, he was still very much a presence in my extended family. So much so, that when I was little and I would say my nightly prayer, sometimes I would ask God to put him on the line. Then I would say, “Hello, Uncle Rich. How are you?” and I would tell him things that I thought he might want to know about my grandma, my cousins, etc… (I kept it upbeat, so he wouldn’t feel bad about cutting out early). At my grandparents’ funerals we sang “God Be With You ‘Till We Meet Again,” and I meant it. To Mormons, the idea of an afterlife is the only antidote to the sting of death.

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Muslim families look after Kolkata synagogues

Muslim caretakers maintain three synagogues in eastern Indian city, which was once home to a thriving Jewish community.

by Priyanka Borpujari for Al Jazeera

Kolkata, India - Generations of Muslim families have been taking care of the maintenance of three synagogues in the eastern Indian city of Kolkata, which was once home to a thriving Jewish community.

The city's Jewish population has dwindled over the decades to just about 20 as compared to 3,000 at its peak before the country became independent from British rule in 1947.

Khalil Khan, 71, has been working as caretaker of Beth El synagogue, one of the city's three synagogues, for the past 55 years. His two sons - Anwar and Siraj - have chosen the same job.

"It takes a week to clean the entire structure, its furniture and artifacts. By Friday afternoon, the work has to be complete," said Rabbul Khan, whose father and two uncles have also previously worked at the Maghen David synagogue.

"This is necessary for the namaaz [prayers] that they perform on Saturdays," he told Al Jazeera.

However, there are no regular services conducted on Saturdays nowadays: only one person from the Jewish community visits each of the synagogues on Friday evenings - to light a candle.

Naseer Sheikh landed the job 56 years ago after his uncle left for his native village in neighbouring Odisha state, where all the caretakers come from. He is 80 years old and is still working, and is joined by his son Osim.

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Patrilineal Descent: Should the Baby be Taken to the Mikveh for Conversion?

by Rabbi Robyn Frisch. This article has been reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily

Do you know which of the following children would be considered Jewish without going through a conversion according to halacha (traditional Jewish law)?

a) A child born from the sperm of a Jewish male and the egg of a Jewish female, who was carried by a surrogate who was not Jewish and then raised by her Jewish biological parents.

b) The child of a biological father who was not Jewish and a biological mother who was not Jewish at the time of conception but who had a traditional Jewish conversion two days before giving birth to the child, who is adopted at birth and raised by parents who are not Jewish.

c) The biological child of a Jewish father and a mother who is not Jewish at the time she gives birth but later converts to Judaism, who is raised as a Jew by his biological parents.

In fact, only the child in (b) is considered Jewish according to halacha. The only factor that matters in determining the Jewish “status” of a child is the religion of the woman who gives birth to the child at the time she gives birth. Whether the biological father is Jewish; whether adoptive parents are Jewish; whether a biological mother is Jewish if she is not the one who gives birth to the child; even whether the child is raised as a Jew…all of these factors are not relevant in determining whether the child is Jewish according to halacha. (For discussion of this issue by a Conservative Rabbi CLICK HERE.)

The issue of “Who is a Jew?” can be confusing; it can seem illogical, and at times unfair. Due to the traditional Jewish rule of “matrilineal descent,” when a birth-mother is Jewish—regardless of how (or by whom) the child is raised—the child is Jewish according to halacha. But when the father is Jewish (or, in the case of adoption or surrogacy, both parents may be Jewish) but the birth mother is not Jewish, even if the child is raised as a Jew, he is not Jewish according to halacha.

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Sukkot and Simchat Torah: the Basics

This article has been reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily  

Sukkot is the third and final festival that commemorates the Jewish exodus from Egypt. The escape of Israel from Egypt is remembered at Passover, entering into a covenant with God at Mount Sinai is recalled at Shavuot, and sleeping in a temporary hut or booth ("sukkah" in Hebrew) while wandering in the wilderness is memorialized in the holiday of Sukkot. "Sukkot" is the plural form of sukkah.

Simchat Torah is the last of the fall holidays, arriving at the end of Sukkot. During Simchat Torah we can be filled with joy and love for God, for the Torah and for the Jewish community. The name of this holiday means "Joy of the Torah," and it marks the completion of the year long cycle of weekly Torah readings (parshiot).

This booklet will explain all the hows, whys and whats of these holidays, from symbols and ritual items through blessings and the importance of guests.

Let this booklet guide you through the the end of the last of the autumn holidays. This booklet is also great as:

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Sukkot: More Than Just a "Harvest Thing"

By Benjamin A. Maron; reprinted with permission of InterfaithFamily.com


In recent conversations about the current holiday of Sukkot, I've heard a common theme: People understand that we build a hut, known as a sukkah, and that we shake four species, known as lulav and etrog, but they want to know why. "I get that it's a harvest thing but..." is a trailing thought I've heard articulated repeatedly. So, before the holiday comes to a close, here's my guide to the less commonly known aspects of Sukkot.
Lulav and Etrog

"And ye shall take you on the first day the fruit of goodly trees, branches of palm-trees, and boughs of thick trees, and willows of the brook, and ye shall rejoice before the LORD your God seven days." (Leviticus 23:40.) Why these four species? And why does taking them to "rejoice before God" mean "shake 'em!"?
Shake It For Sukkot: The Jewish holiday of Sukkot features the interesting ritual of shaking a lulav and etrog. Wondering what a lulav or etrog is? Wondering what the shaking is all about? Watch this video to find out.

There are a few theories on the origins of this ritual. My favorite, though not the one I'd teach my kids at religious school, is that it's a vestige of the pagan roots of our ancient religion, relating to fertility. It doesn't take much imagination to see the long lulav and the round etrog as representative of the human reproductive process, and that we thrust or shake them, well, I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

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What To Expect in the Synagogue on Yom Kippur

This article has been reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily

If this is your first Yom Kippur, you should be aware that it's an entire day of prayer, much longer than on Shabbat or any other Jewish holiday. There are five official services on Yom Kippur:

Evening service, often called Kol Nidre after its opening ritual
Morning service (Shacharit)
Additional service (Musaf)
Afternoon service (Minchah)
Closing service (Neilah) which is only done on Yom Kippur


An ordinary sabbath or holiday only has four services, and none are as long and complex as those on Yom Kippur, which has many added poems and readings. Most synagogues have a break between the additional morning service and the afternoon service. Many people who fast find that they are tired and need a nap. Not everyone has the staying power to pray all the services, and many Jews just choose to go to their favorites. Kol Nidre, with its solemn tune, is probably most popular, and the memorial service, usually done after the Torah reading in the morning service, but sometimes moved to the afternoon, is also well-attended.

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While you're at it, check out our High Holidays Holiday Spotlight Kit for ideas, crafts, recipes, etc.

Celebrating the High Holy Days with Kids

This article has been reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily

Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), together, are known as the High Holy Days (or High Holidays). For many families, these holidays are the most synagogue-focused, requiring creativity and patience as services are explained to children.

Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur demand a great deal of self reflection and self-control. At first glance, this might make them seem irrelevant or even oppressive to children under the age of ten or even thirteen, but the gravity and universal pull of these two holidays – when North American synagogues are filled beyond capacity – is felt by youngsters, too.

While the meaning and impact may be far less intellectual or spiritual for children, these holidays are impressive in their solemnity and sheer size. In addition to special meals and attention from family and friends, children will notice the crowds and expanded size of the sanctuary. The annual beginning-of-school excitement will become associated with the start of the Jewish year. For kids who attend secular schools, if they miss school to observe these Jewish holidays, that will seal their importance.

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Why Mormons can’t be anti-Zionists

by Mark Paredes for JewishJournal.com

After reading Ray Filar’s inane, vapid essay on why she is an “anti-Zionist Jew,” I googled the phrase “anti-Zionist Mormon” to see whether one of my coreligionists had published a similar piece. Although there are slightly more Mormons than Jews in the world, I was pleased – though not surprised – to find that no Mormon has written such an article. While I have come across Mormons who have criticized specific actions by the State of Israel, only Mormons who are unfamiliar with church history and doctrine could possibly oppose Zionism.

The Mormon Church has supported the Jewish people and Israel for all of its 184 years. In fact, Israel is the only country in the world whose creation was officially supported by the LDS Church. In its earliest days, the Church called on Jews to gather to Palestine and form a state. The first edition of the first Church newspaper announced that it “comes to bring good tidings of great joy to all people, but more especially to the House of Israel scattered abroad, for the Lord hath set His hand again the second time to restore them to the lands of their inheritance.”

In response to an article entitled “What Do Mormons Believe?” written by a newspaper editor, an 1834 article in a Church newspaper stated: “We believe that God has set His hand to recover the remnant of His people, Israel; and that the time is near when He will bring them from the four winds and reinstate them upon their own lands which He gave their fathers by covenant.”

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Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur - Everything You Want to Know

This article has been reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily

Rosh Hashanah starts the evening of September 24, 2014; September 13, 2015.
Yom Kippur starts the evening of October 3, 2014; September 22, 2015.

Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, are also known as the High Holy Days or the Days of Awe. These holidays usually fall in September or October and are often characterized by long synagogue services and a focus on repentance.

The Jewish High Holidays are not always the most popular holidays in interfaith family families. How do you and your partner negotiate Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the most synagogue-centric holidays on the Jewish calendar? Read InterfaithFamily.com's articles, resources and links for ways to make the High Holidays more inclusive.

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My Son's Curious About God and My Wife Doesn't Believe

From The Seesaw in The Jewish Daily Forward

Our Boy Is Starting to Ask the Big Questions

I’m a Jewish man married to a non-Jewish, not at all religious woman. I believe in God and she doesn’t. Our 5-year-old is starting to ask the big questions about what God is and whether we believe and we now feel like we have to get our story straight on this whole God thing, but don’t know where to start. Should we explain to him that we have different point of views and just be honest? Or, my wife’s idea, should we come up with one answer that is less about us and more abstract and inclusive? If the latter, any ideas? She says she doesn’t want her lack of belief to get in the way with his potential for belief. Help.

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How Does Your Synagogue Handle Candle Lighting with Interfaith Families?

This article has been reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily

InterfaithFamily/Your Community worked together on this project to gather information about the ritual policies of synagogues in the IFF/Your Community regions of Philadelphia, Chicago and San Francisco Bay Area. All rabbis were asked the same question, below, and their responses follow. The opinions expressed do not reflect a policy of InterfaithFamily, but are meant to be an educational resource to be shared and discussed with the greater Jewish community.

In many synagogues, the parent of a child whose Bar/Bat Mitzvah service the following Shabbat morning is invited to recite the blessing for lighting the candles at the Friday evening service. Since lighting the candles is a brachah shel mitzvah, referring to Jews being commanded to perform the act, this can be a complicated issue when one of the parents of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is not Jewish.

What is your synagogue’s policy on candle lighting? Who can say the blessing over the Shabbat candles at Erev Shabbat services? Specifically, can a mother or father who is not Jewish recite the blessing the Friday evening of the child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah? If not, is there an alternate role they can play?

A Team Effort

Congregation Sherith Israel of San Francisco, CA (Reform)

For Shabbat evening blessings (candles, wine, challah) I/we call up to assist the family (usually parents, grandparents, other relatives) and then ask the Jewish parent to actually light the candles (or a grandmother or another Jewish member), the child to hold and lead the kiddush and the parents together to hold onto the challah with me as we all join in the brachah (blessing over the challah).

-Rabbi Larry Raphael

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Does Junior Need Jewish Preschool — or Is Shabbat Sing-Along Enough?

From The Seesaw on The Jewish Daily Forward

My Wife and I Don’t Know Where to Send Our Daughter….

My wife and I are both half-Jewish. I was raised more observant than she was, but both of us very much felt and feel American first and Jewish second. We are currently debating whether we should send our daughter to a Jewish pre-K and kindergarten program or to a public one. Pros? Give her a Jewish community and identity that she could build on throughout her life. Cons? Costs a lot of money; She wouldn’t be as used to the elementary school, where the classes are located, as those who took them there; She will enter school with the idea that being Jewish makes her different somehow instead of something that you do after or in addition to regular school. Maybe a Shabbat sing-along would be enough?

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Rabbi Preferred, Judaism Essential

This article has been reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily

By Molly Ritvo*

Long before I met my now husband, I remember having tea in a rabbi’s home, after my grandmother passed. I recall the afternoon sun casting a slight glow around the wise rabbi. As I bit into a molasses cookie made by the rabbi’s loving wife, I remember him saying “I feel like Jewish people who intermarry miss out on a Jewish experience.” I remember his words hitting me hard. I was confused and saddened by his remark. I also remember not questioning why the rabbi said that.

As I left the rabbi’s house with even more cookies wrapped up in a small brown bag, my thoughts wandered to the many families I know that have only one Jewish parent. I recalled Shabbat dinners where the blessings were led by both parents and I remember attending Hanukkah parties filled with people from all different backgrounds lighting candles together while their children played. I thought of close family friends who have known me my whole life and who exemplified the word mensch, yet who may not know the first thing about Judaism. I also recalled my mother once telling me that all marriages are intermarriages in a way, as everyone has a different spiritual and religious background. Both of my parents came from Jewish families from the same Boston suburb, yet they expressed and felt their Jewishness in vastly different ways. I grew up believing and understanding that being Jewish comes from within and has nothing to do with labels.

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*Molly is the Content Manager at Jvillage Network

Unique Considerations for Interfaith Parents

This article has been reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily

According to the traditional Jewish movements (Orthodox and Conservative), a child is not Jewish unless he or she has a Jewish mother.

According to the progressive Jewish movements (Reform and Reconstructionist), a child with only one Jewish parent--either mother or father--is Jewish as long as the child is raised to identify as Jewish. Holding a bris or simchat bat for your infant can be the first step to raising the child Jewish.

Most mohels are Orthodox and therefore abide by the traditional definition of a Jewish child. In many cases they will agree to perform a circumcision for a mother who is not Jewish with the understanding that the child will later be immersed in a ritual bath (mikvah) to be converted to Judaism. If the father is not Jewish but the mother is, the mohel will skip the Hebrew line from the traditional brit ceremony where the father delegates his responsibility to circumcise the child to the mohel.

Mohels trained in the Reform tradition will perform a brit milah for children of interfaith parents without the expectation of further steps to conversion.

Generally speaking, mohels are quite accommodating to the needs of parents, so if you would like to have a grandmother or relative who is not Jewish to be involved in the ceremony, don't be afraid to include them. In rare cases a very traditional Orthodox mohel may insist that the sandek, the man who holds the baby, be Jewish.

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When Mr. Right Hates Israel

From The Seesaw in The Jewish Daily Forward

Can I Marry an Anti-Zionist?

I am an unmarried 32- year-old woman who is very ready to settle down and have kids. At the beginning of this year I met a really great guy. I am okay with his non-Jewishness because it will not interfere with my Jewishness or my kids’ Jewishness. I am not okay with his politics on Israel, which he calls an apartheid state. I tell him he hasn’t read enough, but he says the military occupation, settlements and large numbers of Palestinians who have died are all he needs to know. I am a Zionist, my father was born in Israel, and I am wondering if this should be a dealbreaker, or if that is ridiculous and I should just get over it.

Red Flags Only Get Redder

HAROLD BERMAN: In the midst of an otherwise satisfying relationship, many find it easier to overlook red flags, hoping they will go away. But red flags only get redder, and you are wise to be addressing them now. First, you don’t know that his “non-Jewishness … will not interfere with” your or your future children’s Jewishness. Although there are certainly examples of relatively tension-free interfaith marriages, many otherwise strong interfaith relationships still must labor hard through myriad issues that aren’t apparent before the wedding. What you envision is not a sure thing.

What is a sure thing, however, is that your boyfriend’s attitudes toward Israel will have an impact, likely adverse, on any long-term relationship you develop with him. I write this as three Israeli boys were just found brutally murdered by Palestinians, and groups like the Presbyterian Church have expressed much the same attitude toward Israel as your boyfriend. As someone who calls Israel home, and who every single day interacts with Palestinians at close range, I can say unequivocally that your boyfriend doesn’t have the facts.

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My New Girlfriend Is Way Too Enthusiastic About Judaism

The Seesaw is a new kind of advice column in which a a broad range of columnists will address the real life issues faced by interfaith couples and families. Join the discussion by commenting on this post, sharing it on Facebook or following the Forward on Twitter. And keep the questions coming. You can email your quandaries, which will remain anonymous, to: seesaw@forward.com

My Non-Jewish Partner is Too Enthusiastic About Judaism

Hi Seesaw. I am six months into a same-sex relationship with a woman and I can imagine settling down with this one. One issue though, and I know this sounds strange: she is a little too enthusiastic about Judaism. I am very happy that she is excited about my Jewish identity and raising our possible children Jewish, but it bothers me when she acts like she really “gets” being Jewish because she is a lesbian and therefore a minority who has suffered too. Not all outsider identities are the same and I feel like she cheapens Judaism by believing so. So, how do I make her feel welcome in my Jewish world while also helping her understand that she doesn’t totally get it?

I Think I’d Feel the Same

LAUREL SNYDER:
 This is so tricky, but I think I’d feel the same in this situation. Judaism is a complex identity/idea/history/culture, and what her immediate excitement suggests is that she doesn’t perceive the complexity. So my best advice is that you share it with her.

As you say, you don’t want to push her away. It’s wonderful that she’s willing to learn about your background, raise Jewish kids, etc. But Judaism isn’t just a minority status with candles and wine. Judaism can also be boring, exclusive, dogmatic, politically problematic, or violent. Loving Judaism means understanding all the layers of the onion. Loving despite, not just because.

When my husband and I married, I remember that he did some serious reading. He picked up a range of books, from As a Driven Leaf to the Alter translation of the Torah. That was great for me, because it showed me he was serious about understanding Judaism, and creating his own relationship to it, whether or not he ever converted. Over the years, we’ve watched Jewish movies together, visited museums, argued about Israel in the news, and struggled with how to answer our kids’ questions about faith/death/afterlife. It’s not always easy, but it’s honest.

I think that kind of dialogue has to be rooted in actual information. I think if your partner’s going to embrace your culture, she’ll need to embrace it warts and all. So I think books might be a great starting point for you guys. As well as a very Jewish tool.

Laurel Snyder is the author of books like “Bigger than a Bread Box” and “Baxter, the Pig Who Wanted To Be Kosher.” Find her online at laurelsnyder.com or on Twitter @laurelsnyder.

Israeli Life: Mothers

By Leora Eren Frucht for Hadassah Magazine

They were an odd couple, these two middle-aged women—one in a black hijab and ankle-length dress, the other in tight-fitting jeans and colorful T-shirt—standing there in the middle of the room, locked in a tight embrace.

Later on, several people would point to that moment as the most jolting and unforgettable scene of the afternoon in Jaffa.

None of them could have been more astonished than I—the
woman in the jeans and colorful T-shirt.

I had gone to Jaffa that day with several other members of my Reform congregation in Modi’in to meet Muslim families from the town of Jaljulya in an effort to get to know each other. A simple act, but one that flies in the face of the growing alienation and animosity between Jews and Arabs in Israel today.

Over the course of the year, a mob of Jewish teenagers beat up an Arab youth, leaving him unconscious on the Ben Yehuda pedestrian mall in Jerusalem; an Arab woman on a shiva visit to the capital was stoned by a group of yeshiva students. There had been other violent assaults, hateful graffiti, slashed tires, even calls by municipal chief rabbis not to rent homes to Arabs.

Some might ascribe these acts to a handful of extremists, but I knew that this climate affected more than just the lunatic fringe. When my son was in fifth grade, his class went on a school trip to Jaffa, a mixed city of Jews and Arabs. There, his Jewish classmates had run down the street yelling hysterically when they saw an Arab woman, with her head covered, walking in their direction. “Terrorist!” some had shouted.

That is one of the downsides of living in a middle-class suburban community like Modi’in where everyone looks more or less like you. At best, Jews here—and in many other parts of the country—never get a chance to meet Arabs and, at worst, they fear and dread them.

I did not want my children to grow up to be like those on the school trip, so I jumped at the chance to join Neighbors Encounter, a project initiated by Stanley Ringler, an American-born Reform rabbi who lives in Israel. His idea was enthusiastically adopted by YOZMA, the Reform congregation in Modi’in.

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Jews and Christians: The Unfolding Interfaith Relationship

From The United States Memorial Holocaust Museum

The Holocaust confronted Christian leaders at the time and after 1945 with grave ethical and theological questions:

• How it was possible for 6 million Jews to be murdered by the citizens of a nation that was predominantly Christian?
• How did the Christian churches elsewhere in Europe and in the United States respond to the persecution and genocide of the Jews at the time?
• How have they dealt with the legacy of this history since the end of the war?
• How has the Holocaust affected Christian teachings?
• How have these questions been addressed within the interfaith Jewish-Christian relationship?

1933–1945

The Nazi rise to power in Germany was greeted by most Christians in Germany with optimism. They welcomed the new regime and particularly embraced its nationalism, and both the Catholic and Protestant churches there pursued a course of compromise and accommodation with the regime, particularly when conflicts arose over Nazi state interference with church programs. Among European ecumenical leaders, there were worries about the possible anti-Christian repercussions of a fascist ideology and fears of renewed German militarism under Nazism. In 1933 most European and US Christian leaders, however, took a "wait and see" attitude.

Throughout the Christian world, there was little condemnation of the most striking and ominous element of Nazi ideology: its virulent antisemitism and its threat to remove Jews from all aspects of German society. Indeed, many Christian leaders before and throughout the Nazi era cited Christian teachings as a justification for anti-Jewish rhetoric and policies.

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