Why am I Jewish and Daddy isn't?

By Rachel Ross, Originally published on InterfaithFamily

My son, who is now two, doesn’t notice when his dad stumbles over the Hebrew words in the PJ Library books they read together. And he hasn’t been to church with Grams, so Isaac doesn’t know that when she takes communion he will stay seated. Eventually, however, he is going to notice that his cousins don’t go to Hebrew school, and that Daddy doesn’t come with us to High Holiday services. At some point he will ask about these differences, and initially my husband and I will have very straightforward answers for him: Along with Nona and Papa, and your uncle and cousin in California, Mommy and Isaac are Jewish. Daddy, Grams and your other cousins are Catholic.

But as he grows up, the follow-up questions (Why am I Jewish and Daddy isn’t? What is the difference in our beliefs? Who is right?) make me wonder how I can possibly prepare myself for these inquiries. I know that as the number of interfaith families grows, I am not alone in my doubts about my own ability to gracefully navigate the tricky waters of these topics. But I also know that while they are certainly more common for my generation than for others, conversations about these differences are not necessarily any easier.

Some of my friends knew all along they had no interest in such a complicated and potentially fraught situation, and they never considered marrying someone of a different faith. Others, who, like me did intermarry, are avoiding the issue by pushing religion out of their lives altogether. Neither of those routes were viable—or even desirable—options for me. I fell in love with a man who was raised Catholic, but have always known that I wanted very much to have Jewish children. Having talked about it long before we were married, my husband has always supported me in my efforts to build a Jewish home. I appreciate that he has learned a great deal about my heritage and culture, and I smile every time I hear him tell Isaac to wash his zeise punim.

But I still feel more trepidation about explaining the differences in our religions than I do about the inevitable questions about where babies come from. Those conversations will be based on fact, and the answers will be the same for everyone.

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