My 14th wedding anniversary is this month. And now that I’m mere days away from
passing the Seven Year Inch Deadline–twice over–I finally feel qualified to
share the Three Relationship Tips No One Ever Tells You (or, to be honest,
agrees with). But, I’m going to do it anyway. Because, like “Hooked on Phonics”
says, “It worked for me!”
Tip #1: Never Compromise
My husband is a math teacher and an engineer by training. So he approaches all aspects of life like an engineer. And this is how he did the math: When you compromise, two people are left unhappy. When you don’t compromise, one person, at least, is happy. So how do we come to a final decision if compromise is off the table? At our house, the person who feels most strongly, wins.
To take a small example, my husband is obsessed with knives not being put in the kitchen sink with the rest of the dirty dishes. He is convinced that if that happens, he will stick his hand in the soapy water and instantly get sliced to ribbons, ala Jaws. I have been putting knives in sinks for close to decades now, and that has never, ever happened. I have never heard of it happening. I don’t think it will ever happen. And yet, because my husband is obsessed with the topic and treats us all to a lecture when his edict isn’t obeyed, I now leave our knives on the edge of the sink (where, for the record, I actually think they’re more dangerous. But, not as strongly as he believes otherwise).
To take a larger example, I believe it is important for our kids to learn to speak Russian and get a Jewish education. My husband isn't particularly passionate about either subject (and can easily play Devil’s Advocate for both). But, I am. So I win. The same metric applies to every issue in between. For the record, the person who doesn't get their way doesn't have to formally agree with the other. He or she is perfectly welcome to continue pointing out the flaws in the plan (and to deliver an “I told you so,” should said plan fail). But, they do have to go along, not interfere, and, if it concerns the kids, keep the grumbling limited to their spouse in private, in order to present a public united front.
Tip #1: Never Compromise
My husband is a math teacher and an engineer by training. So he approaches all aspects of life like an engineer. And this is how he did the math: When you compromise, two people are left unhappy. When you don’t compromise, one person, at least, is happy. So how do we come to a final decision if compromise is off the table? At our house, the person who feels most strongly, wins.
To take a small example, my husband is obsessed with knives not being put in the kitchen sink with the rest of the dirty dishes. He is convinced that if that happens, he will stick his hand in the soapy water and instantly get sliced to ribbons, ala Jaws. I have been putting knives in sinks for close to decades now, and that has never, ever happened. I have never heard of it happening. I don’t think it will ever happen. And yet, because my husband is obsessed with the topic and treats us all to a lecture when his edict isn’t obeyed, I now leave our knives on the edge of the sink (where, for the record, I actually think they’re more dangerous. But, not as strongly as he believes otherwise).
To take a larger example, I believe it is important for our kids to learn to speak Russian and get a Jewish education. My husband isn't particularly passionate about either subject (and can easily play Devil’s Advocate for both). But, I am. So I win. The same metric applies to every issue in between. For the record, the person who doesn't get their way doesn't have to formally agree with the other. He or she is perfectly welcome to continue pointing out the flaws in the plan (and to deliver an “I told you so,” should said plan fail). But, they do have to go along, not interfere, and, if it concerns the kids, keep the grumbling limited to their spouse in private, in order to present a public united front.
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