From Terrible Conversation To Intermarriage Realization

This article is reprinted with permission from Interfaithfamily.com

By Emily JH Kruskol

At Shabbat dinner on Friday, September 21, 2012, I was part of the most terrifying conversation of my entire life.

Let me give you some background. I am a 23-year-old liberal Jewish female who spends her time in the car listening to NPR.

I am a deeply devoted Reform Jew. I grew up with a father who taught religious school and attending seders at my cousin's house, the renowned Rabbi Harvey J. Fields. I started attending Camp Hess Kramer in 1999 and also attended camp at JCA Shalom and Gindling Hilltop. I went on to be a staff member at Hilltop for five summers and was a unit head at URJ Camp Newman. So, you could call camp my life... with the rest just being details. Camp and Judaism are intertwined for me, and I decided to devote my life to camp and Jewish education. In college, I was actively involved in Hillel at the University of Oregon and participated in two trips to Israel: one through Birthright and the other, a study abroad semester in Jerusalem for five months.

My two passions in life are politics and Judaism. Oh, and anything by Joss Whedon, but that's for a different article.

Back to the disastrous conversation. I went over to my friend's house for Shabbat dinner, on the holiest Shabbat of the year, during the Days of Awe in between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. My friend had grown up Orthodox, but her family had recently become slightly less observant. Exhibit A, her mother was wearing pants; Exhibit B, the TV was on despite the fact that it was past candle lighting, the start of Shabbat. To me this was normal, growing up in a Reform family with a self-proclaimed atheist mother.

We sat down to dinner enjoying our soup, various dips, and Shabbos meats. The conversation started innocently enough: talk about the importance of the holidays and repentance during these days before Yom Kippur. Then, my friend's mother started talking about interfaith relationships and marriage, which hits me personally in a number of ways.

My family has two weddings coming up in the next year. One is my brother, who after years of dating has finally found the most amazing woman who our entire family adores. The second is my first cousin, who has been dating her fiancé since they were freshmen in college. My brother's fiancée is a Persian woman who was born Muslim but does not practice. In deciding about their lives together, she and my brother have concluded that they will raise their children Jewish. She is not planning on converting but has expressed interest in taking introductory courses on Judaism so that she can be an active part of raising her children in a Jewish home. My cousin is also marrying someone who is not Jewish, and they have also decided to raise their kids Jewish. In fact, my cousin, who is Jewish, wants to take the Jewish introductory classes with my brother's fiancée and her fiancée because she feels that she is "a bad Jew" and doesn't know enough.

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