Complex Questions of Interfaith

Jake Boise has a Jewish father and a Presbyterian mother, but the Cheltenham High School senior’s religious identity appears straightforward: He was raised as a Reform Jew, attended a Jewish preschool, became a Bar Mitzvah and traveled to Israel last year on a teen trip.

Yet as Boise’s ex­perience suggests, the issue of faith for the children of intermarried couples is more complex than it appears.

He often thinks of himself as “most­ly Jewish” or “three-fourths Jewish,” he said, speaking during a panel discussion on the experience of teens raised in interfaith households.

“I’m Jewish, but I’m interfaith. I think that is really the way I take it,” Boise said during a program that took place at his home synagogue, Congregation Kol Ami in Elkins Park.

He said he’s still curious to learn more about his mother’s religious heritage. “That’s half of me. I still want to understand what that is because it’s a part of me.”

Boise’s story raises real questions in the ongoing discourse about intermarriage in the Jewish community. Does it mean that intermarried parents can raise a proud Jew or that a child of intermarriage will never feel fully part of the tribe? Or are the two not mutually exclusive?

In a sense, those questions were, if not beside the point, then not the main focus at the Interfaith Roller Coaster, a half-day symposium at the Reform synagogue.

Often, the interfaith issue is framed from the standpoint of the organized Jewish community and the notion of what is best for Jewish continuity. But this program, organized by synagogue members, focused on the point of view of families and the issues they face.

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Passover and Easter: Interfaith Family Afterword

The hardest part about celebrating Easter and Passover with my extended interfaith clan in Florida is extricating ourselves from the multigenerational lovefest–and leaving behind all the leftovers when we fly home. My family gathers from England, California, New York and Washington. For three days this year we planned, shopped and cooked for the Easter dinner and the Passover Seder. When we drove to the airport to get the kids back to school at the end of their spring break we regretfully left behind the leftover brisket, roast potatoes and carrots, matzoh ball soup, charoset, and chocolate-toffee matzoh for my siblings and cousins with later school vacations. Oh, and a spiral-cut honey-baked Easter ham (from one of those “Hams R Us” stores), and lots of Easter candy.

Once again this year, my 87-year-old father was there to preside over our Seder. Each year seems unbearably precious to me, and we move heaven and earth to be there. We also illegally move giant glasstop dining tables from three condos into one, to fit all 20 family members. And my father hires a piano company to move a piano in for two weeks, so that he can play the jazz standards and Pennsylvania polkas and Irish reels that form the soundtrack to our multicultural lives. We make a joyful noise: one year we were threatened with eviction.

My sister from New York is raising her kids Jewish–my nephew is preparing for his Bar Mitzvah. (My mother is his only Christian grandparent). My brother and sister-in-law from California are raising their three kids Catholic. (My father is their only Jewish grandparent). My seven-year-old niece is attending CCD classes, preparing for her First Holy Communion, and she said a lovely grace at Easter dinner, dressed in her spring dress and tiny gold cross.

My niece, and her siblings, attend a Catholic Montessori school, and they had just taken part in the school’s reenactment of The Last Supper during Holy Week. After years of Passover in Florida with us, they understand The Last Supper as a Seder.

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About Jewish-Christian or Interfaith Seders

Why organize a Jewish-Christian Seder?

In springtime both Christians and Jews observe rituals of freedom and rebirth. The Christian Holy Week, especially the Easter Triduum, and the modern Jewish Seder both have roots in the Passover traditions of biblical Israel . Both communities see themselves as experiencing the liberating power of God first manifest to the ancient Hebrews in the Exodus. “In every generation, each of us should feel as though we ourselves had gone forth from Egypt ” is a principle held by both faiths. By joining in this ritual meal, Jews can share one of their central festivals with Christians, whose own religious heritage predisposes them to appreciate the Seder’s deep spiritual significance. Ideally, a full meal should be shared and not simply the symbolic foods. This makes it more likely that during table conversation mutual understanding will begin to replace stereotypes or misapprehensions about each other.

[Another option is for Christian communities to hold a "model" or a "teaching" seder to acquaint their congregations with this important Jewish feast. However, as the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America cautioned in 1998, "If such demonstrations are done, they should be done carefully, preferably in consultation with, or hosted by, a local rabbi."]

How authentic is an Interfaith Seder?

The usual setting for a Seder is in the home where people are surrounded by family and close friends. It does not take place in a synagogue. The traditional Seder must be adapted to a location outside the home. Also, an interfaith Seder will be conducted on an evening other than Passover. Otherwise, an interfaith Seder should follow the traditional order of the ritual set down by the rabbis in the 5th or 6th Century. In this way, participants would engage in the ritual as well as eat the appropriate food for a Passover meal. Interfaith haggadot – books that tell the story of Passover through the rituals of the seder in a multi-faith setting – are available.

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10 Tips for Stress-free Interfaith Passover or Easter Celebrations

This is a guest post by Barbara Rudnick, the Family Life Education Program Manager at Jewish Family and Children’s Service of Minneapolis.
With Passover and Easter just around the corner, many interfaith couples and families might be participating in new holiday celebrations. Here are 10 suggestions for interfaith families to have successful celebrations together:

1.  This is not necessarily a good time for a first meeting. Celebrations and life-cycle events can be stressful. They can bring out the best and worst in people. Try to arrange a time before the event to meet each other.
2.  Talk before the celebration. Ask what you can do to make this a comfortable situation.
3.  Appropriate humor can be a wonderful tension-breaker; however, religious and/or ethnic jokes would not be a good idea.
4.  Educate yourself about the event. Know what to expect and what will be happening. Understand the significance of the celebration. And dress appropriately!
5.  If you are the host, be supportive, warm and welcoming. Ask about dietary restrictions, etc.
6.  If you are the guest, be positive and let your host know how happy you are to be part of this special time. Inform your host about dietary restrictions, etc.
7.  Make sure that things read or said in a foreign language are written in transliteration and translated so all attending can understand and feel included.
8.  This is a wonderful opportunity to share parts of your religion or culture and learn about practices and customs of others. This is not a time to discus conversion and other sensitive religious issues.
9.  Arrange a time to talk after the event.
10.  Respect the beliefs of others! Keep an open mind.

Do you have any tips? Add them in the comments. And remember to write to AskBarbara (askbarbara@jfcsmpls.org) with any questions you have about interfaith relationships!