Sharing Your Jewish Heritage and Values
from ReformJudaism.org
As
grandparents, you want and need to tell your grandchild “who we are,”
and you have a right to do so. It’s the how of doing it that’s so
important and so difficult. In the real world you must be sensitive to
the feelings of your non-Jewish son/daughter-in-law. You want, after
all, to maintain the affection of your children as well as your
grandchildren. Of course, that’s true even in a single-faith marriage.
However, in some interfaith situations, you may have a bomb with a short
fuse that can be touched off with what often seems to be no
provocation. Remember, whether or not your son- or daughter-in-law has a
justifiable reason for acting resentful, he or she does have the upper
hand and can deprive you of seeing your grandchildren.We must always remember that grandchildren are not our children. We’re not their parents. We’re not bringing them up. We don’t have the responsibilities, which means we don’t have the authority either. It is important for you to respect your adult children’s prerogative in raising their own children. Communicate with your children. Ask them how they feel you might improve your relationship with them. Offer to babysit the grandchildren for a weekend.
One of the most difficult things about grandparenting is learning to use diplomacy and tact. Perhaps you didn’t have the relationship you would have liked while your own children were growing up. Nature has given you a second chance. Don’t blow it!
You absolutely have the right—the obligation—to speak your thoughts. But think carefully before you speak and act. Much of the time, what you do isn’t nearly as important as how you do it.
A Working Agreement
We often know what we seek to accomplish, but aren’t sure how to go about it. You want to share your Jewish heritage and values with your grandchildren without offending your non-Jewish son- or daughter-in-law and without creating or exacerbating problems for your child. What to do?
Continue reading.
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