Don't Get All Judgy About Our Interfaith Family

The Seesaw for The Jewish Daily Forward

We are an interfaith family raising our children both Christian and Jewish. Dad, me, is Jewish and mom is Christian. They go to Hebrew school at our temple twice a week, and once a month attend an informal educational gathering at our church. We don’t go to church or synagogue weekly, but we do attend services for the holidays and occasional Sabbaths if something special is going on. From the beginning we told our children that we wanted them to know both of our traditions and that whenever they felt ready they could choose one.

As a family, we feel good about this. Our children are getting a chance to learn about and experience two faiths, and both parents get to live a spiritual life that works for them. Unfortunately, our community has not been so supportive. It’s not that they are mean, but I can tell they view us more as a novelty than real or committed members of their religious communities. Some of my friends tell me to seek out other congregations or communities, but I really can’t imagine finding a place that will be much better. Both of ours are liberal, progressive places. Seesaw, how should an interfaith family explain ourselves to help people get it? —Is this Shul or High School?

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What the Term “Interfaith Family” Means

By Ed Case - This article has been reprinted with permission from InterfaithFamily

April 15th on eJewishPhilanthropy, Allison McMillan wrote an important piece, “Intermarried, Not Interfaith.” Her husband was an atheist when they met, had no religious connection to any holidays, is exploring Jewish traditions quite extensively, and has decided not to convert, in her words, “at least not right now.” She says their biggest issue is that they are labeled an “interfaith couple,” a term which “does not describe who or what we are. We are not trying to join two faiths together in our relationship. He is not halachically Jewish but he is also not anything else.”

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Your Intermarriage Obsession Is Just So Offensive

From the Seesaw at The Forward

I am a non-Jewish person who works for a Jewish organization. How do I politely tell my bosses and other colleagues how offensive I find their focus (un-Godly obsession?) on battling intermarriage? In my opinion it’s pretty much racist to focus on who anyone else should date or marry — and I would never tell my own child to do so.

If I was working with regular white people (or blacks or Puerto Ricans) who constantly discussed the need for their children or other members of their community to only date or marry within that community, I would tell them to keep their bigoted opinions to themselves. Why is it any different for Jews? Why do they think it’s at all appropriate to reveal their biases like that?

I find it especially disturbing since they are extremely liberal in most ways and even laud the ‘diversity’ in our neighborhoods and even within the Jewish community. How can you be a fan of diversity while fiercely fighting the relationships that boost that diversity. What hypocrites!

—Befuddled in Brooklyn

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Marry a Jew and You're One of Us

Counter Intermarriage by Welcoming Newcomers to Faith

By Steven M. Cohen and Joy Levitt, The Jewish Daily Forward

Millennia ago, before rabbis existed or conversion was invented, thousands who were not born Jewish became part of the Jewish community through a very simple act: They married a Jew. Sarah was the first, followed in turn by Rebecca, Leah and Rachel. Thousands more followed — both biblical characters and many more whose lives as Jews were never explicitly recorded in the Bible. In effect, our ancestors said to them, “If you marry us, you’re one of us.”

Centuries later, at a time when the number of American Jews marrying non-Jews has reached an all-time high — 80 percent of Reform-raised Jews who married in 2000-2013 married non-Jews — thousands are again choosing to join the Jewish people, but nowhere near as many as we would like.

Unbeknownst to even keen observers of Jewish life, about half of those who identify as Jews but were not born Jewish never underwent formal rabbinic conversion. The 2013 Pew survey of American Jews found 79,000 adult Jewish converts, but another 83,000 who identify as Jews even though they reported no Jewish parents and had not undergone conversion.

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Talking to Children About Jewish Identity in an Interfaith Family

ReformJudaism.org

Children begin to ask identity questions at an early age. Who am I? Who is my family? Where do I belong? Why does my family celebrate some holidays and not others? These are all standard questions children ask to determine how they fit into their world

The same is true about religious identity. Children want to know the different ways they connect to their parents, and members of their extended family. For children in interfaith families, clarifying the role of religion in the family dynamic and the child’s personal identity from an early age  is important. The following guidelines will assist you when talking about Jewish Identity.

Conversations about religious identity can occur at any time. We recommend that you and your spouse or partner come to an agreement on how you will handle religious questions as early as possible. It will be easier for both of you to answer questions with some clarity if you have reached an agreement before the child’s questions begin.

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No Circumcision, Please — We're Hindu

From the Seesaw at The Jewish Daily Forward

I am a Hindu woman married to and carrying the baby of a wonderful Jewish man. We have discussed raising the child with elements of both religions, and are equally content with the arrangement, as are, somewhat miraculously, both of our parents. I just found out I am having a boy and am now contemplating circumcision. I feel as though it is the right decision, since my husband’s religion requires it and mine doesn’t specifically prohibit it. However, there is a strong cultural bias against circumcision among Hindus, due mostly to its association with Muslims, and telling my parents about this will be difficult. So, am I right to privilege religious law over cultural customs and plan to circumcise my son? Please help me understand if my instincts are correct. —Taking a pregnant pause

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Whoops, I Fell in Love With a Non-Jew

From the Seesaw at The Jewish Daily Forward

I’ve Never Felt So Unconditionally Loved

I am a recently divorced Jewish woman who has accidentally fallen in love a non-Jew. I wasn’t looking or expecting to — but paid a professional call to someone I’ve known for a long time and things happened. He fills my soul completely and I’ve never felt so unconditionally loved.

My family is a mix of traditionally Conservative and modern Orthodox. No one intermarried, and it would have been a shonde if anyone had. I have grown children who we sent to day school, Jewish camps, Israel — the works.

My partner and I are hoping to be together for life, but we are NOT planning on getting married, mostly because he’s been married several times and just doesn’t want to go there again. We have discussed converting, which he actually considered in the past, but is not interested in doing now. He respects my commitment to Judaism and is willing to participate with me in Jewish life, including having a kosher kitchen when we choose to live together. He practices no religion but is very spiritual.

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